nothing to display.

Nothing. To. display.
No numbers.
Yuck.
Obese.
Fatty fatty fatty!
Binge, purge.
Cut up knuckles.
Teeth marks.
Acid erosion.
Lower
Smaller
Tighter
Lighter.
Spin out
Black out
Pain
Insanity
Self destruction,
Life?

006.

this weekend was a complete fail.
i ate triffle in my SLEEP.
pasta & a creamy sauce at G's house so no-one else there would notice.
cookies.
chips.
badbadbad.
i'm pleased to say i've neither gained nor lost.
so that's a bonus.
special k challenge today.

wishmeluck.

6lb to go...

005.

today went pretty well.
i ate pretty much normally *gasp*
but just had less.
6 small "meals/snacks" throughout the day, whenever i got hungry.

intake:
omlette: 120
yogurt: 91
salad with baked soya beans: 108
apple: 44
galaxy ice-cream: 120
cheese & onion roll: 195
soup: 68
total = 746 calories

it was under 600 calories but then i had the roll..

output:
BMR: 1300
25 minute dog walk: 79
total = 1379

CW: 105lb
STGW: 100lb - 5lb to go
LTGW: 90lb - 15lb

♥

time for some jessica tovey thinspo..

i swear home & away is just the best thinspo when she's on!
because i'm in the uk, i'm behind & currently it's when she's in rehab & when she was walking around her legs were just so skinny, i love it.
you would not believe how difficult it is to find decent pictures of her!

004.

i broke the fast
woke up just before 5am, my chest was so tight i could barely breathe, serves me right for insisting the cat sleeps in my room.
i weighed myself first, no change at all.
(well 0.2lb gain but it's probably water weight)
so i had a 1/4 slice of pizza :/
AT 5AM.
piggypiggypiggy.
oink.
half of that pizza is roughly 360 calories so i had 180ish.
i was supposed to be having 200 today. that's ruined already.
i ended up eating over 1400 calories.
no exercise.
ARGH.
such a fatty.
i won't list what i ate on here because it's too shameful.
basically no veggies or anything.
failure.
i see my friend F at the weekend, she's so skinny it makes me cry, i'll try & get some photos ;)

wherethefuckismywillpower?


♥

003.

so my fast today went well :)
probably the first time i've managed a whole day, not counting being ill though.
i have no will power, it's disgusting.
kinda chose today for my fast as today would've been mine & crazy boys 2 year anniversary. i know i should just get over it but part of me doesn't want to, i like the emptiness i've created, the more i think & the more i upset myself the less i want to eat.
so i'm probably destined to be heartbroken for the rest of my life.
i can cope with that :)
on the plus side, after eating like a pig yesterday i've lost another lb! hurrahh.
i think it's those herbal weightloss pills i found in the boot of my mums car, "potters boldex" anyone else tried them?

all i had today was:
2 & a half cups of peppermint & nettle tea
2 & a half cups of green tea with lemon
4 cups green tea with lemon & ginger
(i say half as i used an abnormal sized cup & it pretty much equals to 2 & a half for 2 cups.
went for two walks, one 1 mile (25-30 minutes, forgot to check time!) & one 1.6 miles (45 minutes)
(also, i didn't cry today, not once.)

intake:
n/a

output:
BMR: 1300
walking;
1st walk: 103
2nd walk: 155
total = 1558

CW: 105lb
STGW: 100lb - 5lb to go
LTGW: 90lb - 15lb

♥

002.

rolo cookies.
you were always going to be my downfall.
:(

input:
30g special K - 109
50ml semi skimmed milk - 50
1x bakewell slice - 157
2x maryland cookies - 114
2x rolo cookies - roughly 500?! D:
2x sesame seed bun - 260
minstrone soup - 71
breakaway bar - 99
total = 1360

NONONO.
bad!!! ARGHHH.

outtake:
BMR - 1306
25 sit-ups
10 squats

fasting tomorow, then 2-4-6-8.

current weight : 106lb
short term goal weight : 100lb - 6lb to go
long term goal weight : 90lb - 16lb to go

♥

001.

i went to J's house today, i love going over there so much more than i used to now. Every time we end up in this deep conversation about weight loss & admit our little tricks to one-another, she kept looking at me with envy, & secretly it made me thrilled.
her mum looked at me & asked about my "diet", she tried to make it sound like she was asking about what i ate normal-healthy wise but it was obvious she was prying into my weight loss.
"heartbreak weight." & she just said she was sorry. so i am. it's been 6 months since he left & all I've lost is 12 measly lb's. I've half taught myself to hear his voice in my head when he told me i needed to tone up. when he was hinting that i was fat.
J & I ended up going for a really long walk, 40 minutes pretty much completely uphill, I'm so unfit, my thighs were burning & aching, my back is killing me now but it was worth it. 1 hour 30 minutes in total, roughly. & we only stopped for about 10 minutes in total, once to catch our breath at the top of the hill by the mill post & the again so J could have a mental breakdown over the lambs.
they were kinda cute.
i was supposed to be fasting today, fasting Sunday 'n all that but then J had to go on & pull out a box of Thornton's chocolates. i had 3. they must be at least 100 calories each right?! & my eating just went all downhill from there, 2 breakaway bars, 3/4 a pack of sainsburys basics tortilla chips, goodness knows how many maryland cookies (about 6-8), half a pack of jaffa cakes (which next time I'm hiding in my bag so i don't have to eat them) & one sugar-free cream soda at grandads, yogurt, one bakewell slice (but i spat most of it out & got the dog to eat the evidence), Chinese D:, & 1/6 profiterole gateau. I'm sure it was more though :/ ARGH.
tomorrow, eating allowance is 800, then I'm gonna take 200 away each day till it's a fast, then bring it back up to 800, just so it tricks my metabolism.
i forgot to weigh myself this morning because i was in a hurry to get to J's house & then my mum got up & it was tricky to find some privacy, she still thinks it's okay to sit on the edge of the bath whilst I'm on the toilet. it's weird i swear. I'm guessing I'm between 105lb & 110lb? unless I've gained :| I've been eating SO badly.
that stops tomorrow.
J's gone back up to London & isn't back till the end of the month. i want to lose at least 5lb by then.
i hope she notices.

♥